A Recipe For Relationships-

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)

This blog is from proverbs31.org–A great ministry!

Micca Monda Campbell

“… he loved him as he loved himself.”
1 Samuel 20:17b (NIV)

My mother use to tell me to count myself lucky if I had just one “close friend.”  That’s because close life-long relationships are hard to come by.

So many people today are looking for meaningful relationships, yet so few actually find them. We are becoming an increasingly private society, and it seems fewer people than ever have life-long intimate friendships. Still, the desire for this kind of relationship is not only sought after, but necessary.

Women are naturally drawn to other women. In fact, a girl’s first experience with heartache may have been over a lost “best friend” rather than a “boy friend.” Women value friendships. When they are lost, we grieve; not just over the friendship itself, but also for the secrets shared, the trust given and the acceptance enjoyed. If betrayed, the pain runs deep causing us to wonder if intimate friendships are really possible.

When I think of a biblical example of real friendship, the story of David and Jonathan, found in 1 Samuel 19, always comes to mind.

Jonathan, son of King Saul, was David’s closest friend. But his father, the king, despised David because he was growing in popularity and because God had anointed David to be king. These facts enraged King Saul, so much that he commanded his aids and Jonathan to assassinate David. But Jonathan loved David, therefore betrayal was impossible.

Love isn’t the only fruit of true friendship. A real relationship consists of sacrifice too.

Jonathan stripped himself of the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his armor, his sword, his bow, and his belt. Jonathan was the potential heir to his father’s throne, but we see him sacrificing his future for his best friend as he literally gave David his place as king.

You and I can learn from this action that true friendship means a willingness to sacrifice for each other in love. It’s the ability to put another’s needs, desires, and wishes above our own.

Loyalty is also a mark of true friendship. We’re told that Jonathan went to his father and spoke well of David. Jonathan also stood up to his dad and essentially said, “Dad, you’re wrong about David. He hasn’t done any wrong to you; in fact, everything he’s done has helped you.” A true friend is a loyal defense before others, one who won’t talk about you when you’re not around. True friends stick up for each other.

Finally, intimate friends give each other complete freedom to be themselves. In an intimate friendship, you don’t have to explain why you do what you do. You’re just free to do it.

When Jonathan gave David the news that things were troubled in the palace and that his dad was going to kill him, the two were forced to say goodbye. The text tells us that they wept together.

When your heart is broken, you can bleed all over a friend like this and she’ll understand. She won’t try to dismiss your misery or tell you to straighten up. Intimate friends let each other hurt and they weep together. If your friend needs to talk it through, you will listen. Intimate friends don’t bale; they stay. They allow you to be yourself no matter what “self” looks like in that moment.

If you’re looking for a godly recipe for relationships, look no further. Mix together love, sacrifice, loyalty, and freedom and you can create an intimate friendship that lasts a lifetime.

Dear Lord, help me to be a friend like Jonathan. Then, bless me with the same. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
An Untroubled Heart: Finding Faith that is Stronger than My Fears by Micca Campbell

Visit Micca’s blog

Cultivating a Heart of Contentment (CD) by Micca Campbell

The Friends We Keep: A Woman’s Quest for the Soul of Friendship by Sarah Zacharias Davis

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Application Steps:
Ask God to help you develop the kind of character that attracts others. While David had enemies, he also had a growing number of people who loved him. People are naturally attracted to someone who shines with God-like attributes. One the other hand, most are turned off by mean, selfish people. Whatever is on the inside will show on the outside – so develop the kind of traits that draw people of good characteristics.

Reflections:
What kind of friend am I?

Do I exhibit loyalty, love, freedom, and sacrifice in my relationships? Why or why not?

Power Verses:
John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (NIV)

© 2011 by Micca Campbell. All rights reserved.

 

Make a play-

A Strong Woman vs. A Woman of Strength

A little over a month ago, two men came onto the Colorado Mesa University Campus proclaiming a gospel of hate to the students.  This stirred up quite a ruckus, but since then God has been using this situation for an opportunity for Christians to show the true Gospel: the love of Christ.

I remember distinctly what one of the men said to a woman who tried to approach them about what they were preaching.  Immediately, he shunned her away telling her that she is not allowed to speak because she is a woman and has to be submissive.  That’s a blow right to the heart of a woman..

The Google definition of submissive is Meekly obedient or passive.  When I read my instincts tell me that means you are weak.  In a society that says one of the most important things is being a “independent woman”, hearing Biblical teaching about a woman’s role almost turns women away immediately.

Here is a verse that sometimes is exercised beyond it’s meaning.  “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:21-25

Often times the only verse women AND men take out of that verse is, wives submit yourselves to your own husbands…for he is the head of the wife.  

Well I’d like to go into this a little bit and talk about what it means to be a woman of strength.

First of all, it is incorrect Biblical Theology to just take a scripture face value.  If you have questions about this please refer to Michael Lawrence’s Biblical Theology book.  It has transformed the way I read the Bible.  When we take this scripture out of context we are missing the point and the authors original intent.  Paul is not just commanding women to submit or telling the men to make sure their wives submit, he is giving a structure to which God calls us to live by out of love for Him.  So many people miss the first part.  “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  Synonyms of submit include, humble, obedient, and volunteer.  It does not say slave.  Submission is to volunteer to serve, and out of reverence (respect because of love, and relationship), we should feel compelled to do (action) things for Christ, and thus others.  (Husbands, Wives, Children, etc.)  In a selfish world, this is hard to do. We want someone to do it for us, then we’ll do it for them.  There are stipulations that come with love a lot of the time now.  I’ll admit , I’m not the best at it but when I constantly try to be the stronger vessel in my relationship with my husband, we constantly but heads. We always have to remember the Gospel we live by because it was modeled for us: love.   God created man to lead.  (leading is a whole other topic 🙂  I think it is so beautiful that God made man and women different.  My husband Timmy is a wonderful complement to me.  My weaknesses are his strengths, and some of my strengths help his weaknesses.

Ok if I keep going on husbands, I’m going to start ranting about mine 🙂  lets get to the point…

I am italian.  I am strong willed, determined, and don’t you dare push my buttons or else 😉  Just kidding… but not really.  It is hard for me sometimes to control my tongue and what I say.  I get so selfish at times and I turn into a person that I wouldn’t want to be around.  Being involved in ministry with the one you love is one of the best things I have ever done, but it is also stretches you.  There are so many times that I just take over.  Not always gently either…  I can get impatient, because like I said, I am determined.  I like to get things done right away.  I like to have a game plan.  Being involved in FCA is stretching me because I am forced to wait on God and to trust Him more than ever.

I have always prided myself on being a strong woman. Why?  Well that’s what we see.  Being a strong woman is a great thing, but I want to compare it instead, as a woman of strength.

This comparison is influenced by the Proverbs 31 Woman.  Which are you?

I know after I read this, I felt a strong sense of conviction.  But what exactly do we mean by the term conviction? Conviction means “the act or process of convincing,” “the state of being convinced,” or “a fixed or strong belief.” Thus, by biblical conviction we mean convictions or beliefs derived from and based on a commitment to Scripture, the Bible. As God’s Holy Word, it is the absolute index for the whole of our lives—faith and practice.

Going into the leadership role is another topic.  I’ve realized I’d much rather be a woman of strength than a strong woman.  Don’t you think it’d be different in our society if this were the example?

Which woman do you want to be?

Make a play –

Beauty From The Ordinary

Thursday nights, CMU FCA has men and women small groups.  God is working so much in these young men and women’s lives.  It’s amazing to see it, hear it, and be apart of it.

Women’s group is blossoming.  These ladies are so hungry for the Word of God.  I look forward to Thursday nights because I love being around them.   Each one is beautifully unique.  These ladies are beautiful reflections of Christ.  Every one of them.

Sometimes there isn’t much discussion, and to be honest it has baffled me.  I mean come on…we are girls! We should be chatting up a storm in there lol, but last night I realized there doesn’t need to be a huge amount of discussion to know God is working in their life.  Quite frankly, you don’t need it at all.  You can see it all over their lives by their fruit.   We are God’s workmanship. We can go into the harvest field and throw seeds, but God ultimately makes them grow.  We can pray they will land on good soil, but by grace, we are just the forerunners bringing the message of the Gospel.  He brings the provision and nourishment we need.  He changes hearts.  And He is working in that Bible study, even in the stillness.

Last night one woman, Jen Dubois, shared a beautiful allegory she wrote, and she gave me permission to share it with all of you.

The Glass Door

I stand with my hands pressed against the glass, my eyes filled with deep longing.  She sits alone, refusing to make eye contact with me.  She rocks slowly back and forth.  Her arms are wrapped tightly around her frail body.  I knock on this door of glass, so thick, yet with one word from her the door would open.  My Beloved does not respond to my plea.

A mirror stands before her and she looks into it, a scowl forming on her lips, then a smirk.  A shadowy figure hovers behind her.  He leans to whisper in her ear.  She continues to stare into her reflection and sees only herself, sitting alone on the cold ground.  She nods slightly, holds herself a little tighter, rocks a little harder.

I watch in anguish as the shadow strokes her hair and chuckles when she shudders.  He bends again to whisper in her ear.  They both look my way and her expression hardens.

“I hate you,” she mouths.  The shadow creature’s wide mouth stretches into a wicked grin, taunting me.

At her words my heart aches as though wounded with a knife, my hands still pressed to the glass.

“Choose life,” I say softly.  “Choose love.  Choose me.”  I lean in closer.  “I love you.”  

My Beloved turns to the door again, and I see confusion clouding her eyes.  The creature grasps her chin with his wizened hand, turning her head back toward the mirror.  He runs his hand up and down her arm.  Another creature, smaller, appears on her shoulder.  She slumps forward, hanging her head in despair.  At the door I gaze intently at her slumped form.

“I love you.”

She shakes her head.  “You can’t.”

“I love you.”

She lifts her gaze.  “Why?”

“You are mine.”

The larger creature scowls and puts his hands over her ears.  She again looks down.  

“I am disgusting.”

I open my mouth and reply, “I made you.  I love you.  Draw near to me, my beautiful princess, my Beloved.”

A tear traces its way down her cheek.  “How can this be true?”

A savage growl escapes from both shadow creatures, and the large one leaps upon my Beloved’s shoulders as the small one grasps her hair, pulling himself on top of her head.  She falls to her knees.  “I can’t do this!”

“Call to me,”  I plead.

Her hands pressed against a cold, dead earth, and she whispers, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Call to me.  I love you.”

An anguished cry escapes her lips. “Save me!”

Her words hit the glass door with a loud crack, sending a web of lines tracing their way from the center of the door to its outer edges, and within one blink of my eyes the glass has shattered, falling at my feet in millions of crystal pieces.  Light flows from me, pouring over her kneeling form.  The shadow creature’s shrieks are cut short when my light reaches them; their shadowy bodies are immediately disintegrated.

I can’t believe what just happened.; I’m not sure what;s going on, but my heart feels so light.  I feel…free.  I feel light flowing from this man, and it seems to be reaching right inside of me, in my spirit somehow.  My heart is light, but my legs are so weak and wobbly.  Why am I still sitting here?  I want to jump up and run into His arms!  He approaches me and very gently places His warm hand on my chin and lifts my face.  I am captured by His eyes; so beautiful!  So full of love…for me?  With His other hand he wipes the tears from my eyes.  “I love you,” He says, His voice deep and rick, filling my body like warm honey pouring into every crevice of my soul.  As He takes my hand, I know it’s only His strength that allows me to stand.  He says to me, “Once you were weary and burdened, but no longer!  Come with me now, and live forever in my peace.”

I can feel tears spilling over my cheeks again, but not of despair; their of joy.  Pure, wonderful joy.  I can’t hold myself back any longer, and I fall into His embrace.  Together we walk through the door and home.

“Here I am!  I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

This brings tears of joy to my eyes. I, like many women have struggled with this kind of love;  But God loves us just how we are, no matter where we are.

 This allegory of God’s love is so powerful.  If someone was placed on your heart while reading this, I’d encourage you to send it to them, and pray for them.

God is knocking.  God is waiting.  He loves you…for you.

To read more by Jen Dubois go to, http://beautyfromtheordinary.blogspot.com/

Make a play ~

Here is a video that reflects this allegory.  Enjoy